screwed for being nice. no more miss nice gal.

my ics worker came today in the morning and he helped me find more resources for massachusetts housing. i'm not quite sure if i've already applied for this electronically, but it's not on my notes- so he helped me print off a paper application (which was at least 28 pages) and he's gonna help me fill it out next time we meet. then my care coordinator came and we discussed how things are going for my health. then the nurse who fills my anodyne machine came. she asked my care coordinator if he could help me find a job to volunteer for- he said, "well.. that's her job coach's job.. has she been helping you do that?" i said, "um.. i think she helped me apply for the library but i don't really remember any other jobs." so i'm not sure if he can help put pressure on the employment company to help me get a job volunteering? i'm sure that was the nurse's intention on bringing it up because i'm sure she realizes that me being unemployed in minnesota doesn't give me the desire to continue living in this state. the nurse said, "well.. she needs something to do and she absolutely refuses to go to the courage center.." because i even explained to my care coordinator before my nurse even came, that the courage center DOESN'T help me physically because i went there a few times without my wheelchair or walker a while ago and kevin (a physical therapist who works at the courage center) told me not to show up to the courage center anymore without my wheelchair or a walker, i said it's because they want to try to take advantage of their vulnerable clients and keep trying to get as much money as they can out of their unadvocated for and vulnerable clients. i'm pretty sure my care coordinator comprehended what i was saying and i told him that i owed all the credit for me being able to walk to tram holloway and his ARP therapy. then the nurse said to me, "well- can't they do that at the courage center? you're a good person and we don't wanna lose a client." it's kinda unbelievable that she would come right out and be this blatant about it- but i suppose maybe she was desperate and figured i'd forget she said that. so i'm pretty sure that all the other fucking health "care" programs have the same opinion. my grandma always used to tell me how i was "such a good person" and not to let anyone change that but it's kinda fuckin annoying when you're being kept in the same position JUST so health "care" doesn't lose a fuckin client. maybe i should start acting like a bitch, so no one wants to work with me again? i think that's how it was when i lived at my first apartment and i was trying to get used to living independently and wouldn't let people push me around? plus, those particular home health aids were lazy cunts and i remember the reason why my grandma just got sick of the health "care" people CLAIMING they couldn't help her find somewhere else for me to live because of housing shortage. UNTIL i fell off the toilet when some bitch home health aid that was supposed to be monitoring me was TALKING ON HER FUCKING CELL PHONE. so she got her friend carol to help her find the apartment in burnsville. which i ended up getting kicked out of since no one would help me move to a different apartment that didn't have a damn obsessed caretaker. i'm pretty sure that caretaker lost his job after i got kicked out because the other caretaker probably realized that i hadn't had any other complaints against me and the other caretaker was at fault. i stayed there so long that everyone else got comfortable with me living there, so they acted surprised when they found out i didn't live there anymore- like the guy who was taking me back from my appointment last week. so i guess i act too okay with things that i'm NOT okay with- such as housing and going to the courage center. i should start acting like a crazy uptight bitch so that i actually end up where i TRULY want. can't do good for bad or some shit.. whatever, screw all you assholes that seem to try to water me down JUST for your fucking comfort. go fuck yourselves. if i get shit on for being nice and alright with things- i'll just have to be a crazy demanding bitch now. see how much people want to keep me around then. you SELFISH pricks did this to YOURSELF.